The word is mum!

Motherhood doesn't mean the same to all. Every woman's journey as a mother is unique. But I'm sure my fellow women will agree that when a child is born, a mother is born too ! And trust me when I say nothing in this whole world can prepare you for that one heck of an experience! Its like marmite , you either love it or you hate it! There's nothing in between. I know women belonging to both categories, however I've always loved children! But that didn't prepare me for the ever so challenging yet exciting and fulfilling role of being a mother.  Some women cry out for help, some take it in their stride, some cant wait to get back to work to take a break from it while help is at hand, some have no choice but to do the juggling act, some dive deep into it and vow to enjoy every minute irrespective of whether they are employed or not!Getting to be a child all over again is only one of the perks of being a mum!

 My pregnancy didn't have any complications, other than hyperemesis gravidarum or acute morning sickness and I was among the lucky few for whom it lasted all 9 months, though the severity eased out towards the last trimester! (Still remember throwing up at 7 months, in my colleague's luxurious car, when offered a ride home after work!) Delivery was in a birth centre (usually available for low risk patients) with candle lights, soft music and a warm bath pool in the middle. But those who've been in labour before knows, that nothing in this whole world can entice you in that critical hour when the ultimate truth hits you like thunderbolt that after all God is a man! He is the Almighty! My husband, my birth partner just sat there wondering 'what's she on about, even my mother gave birth!' YYeah right! His expression was a combination of pride, anxiety and excitement! I'm sure nothing in the whole world could prepare him for fatherhood either! I was lucky enough to have another 'experienced' birth partner too. My mother! But soon realised, her experience was, in giving birth and not in witnessing the horrors of labour! Needless to say how traumatised she was to see her only daughter in so much pain and agony! In the name of pain relief (if you chan call it so), I had opted for 'gas and air' . Nitrous oxide or laughing gas as they taught in school made me anything but laugh!

So when I had my first daughter, Ashlene, on a cold autumn night, on 26th October 2009 at 23.34, after about four and a half hours of intense labour, I believed I was the luckiest woman on the planet. There she was, a cute, dainty little thing weighing 3.24 kgs. The midwife put her on my now empty belly and I still remember how it felt! In couple of seconds she passed her 'holy water' on my belly and I can never forget how warm it felt against my ice-cold skin. I was in love all over again! The fact is that Id started to love the life that was growing inside me from the time I knew it was there....14th Feb 2009 to be precise! When we heard her heartbeat for the first time, we cried tears of joy! Then the long wait for 9 months, all  the sickness, the runs to A&E fearing dehydration, the cravings, the emotional ups and downs, the baby brain moments, the antenatal classes, the swollen legs, the sleepless nights, the nursery , the shopping, the hospital bag, everything just converged to this one moment! I was so in love that I tried my best to ignore the fact that she was a carbon copy of my mother-in-law who had passed away a year before, longing to see her son's child! Jokes apart, I was gutted thinking how proud she would have been to see herself in her little grand daughter. However my husband was over the moon that his mother was reborn in his daughter! My mother was elated to see her brand new grandchild and to see the long awaited end to my labour. Elsewhere my Dad, my Dad-in-law and the rest of the family were eagerly waiting for the good news.

The night stretched really long after the post delivery care, first feed, immunisation etc. and in the wee hours of 27th morning I was left alone with my baby. She was sleeping peacefully in the crib next to me but I couldn't move or reach her with all the perennial stitches, so I called the attending nurse to put my baby next to me on my bed and she obliged. I watched with astonishment this miraculous little angel who was sleeping in my arms. There's a certain divine peace that one gets while with a baby. From then onwards my life was changing for good! The endless joy that a baby brings is beyond words! But also the relentless efforts, the long nights, the innumerable nappy changes, the night feeds, the accompanied toilet runs, the list goes on. The toothless smiles, the tight hugs, the wet kisses, the overdose of cuteness, the first 'goo goo gaa gaa', 'mama', 'dada', make it all worth it though!! To be honest at the time I never felt I was doing any of these things, it just came to me naturally and whatever I did I just did it out of passion and love . I was in awe of this wonder, this new life that we were bestowed with! Like most mums even I believed my child was pure joy! Loved every minute of motherhood .

My second born, Shreya, was a big baby weighing nearly 4kgs. It was 13th June 2012 that I fell in love yet another time! This time she was a carbon copy of my father-in-law... I know! So now my husband has the good fortune to raise both his parents! That pregnancy and delivery changed my body dramatically. My petite frame was stretched to its very maximum but not without consequences. The postnatal symptoms were all the more pronounced after the second baby or so I felt. Though it was largely a personal choice I made, it wasn't easy at all to manage a toddler and a new born baby all on my own with practically little or no help from anyone including my husband as he was working long hours. I have to admit there were days when I would sit down and cry overwhelmed by the huge responsibility entrusted on me. But in all this, my children's happy faces kept me going and felt ever so grateful for the gift called life! Before bed I would thank God for giving me another day full of immense joy and a day free of dangers, ill health and misfortune. My kids were with me, safe, well looked after, happy and sleeping soundly.

The thing with motherhood is that it has varied facets.. no two days are the same either. One minute you'll be crying saying bye to your child as she goes to nursery for the first time, another minute you'll be ecstatic watching her first Nativity play! The only job where variety is the spice. You get to be Santa Claus, Tooth fairy, hair dresser, nurse, teacher, singer, dancer, clown and most importantly a learner. And you'll actually start to believe that you're the best in all that! Motherhood gave me a confidence that is unbeatable! I was worried for my kids yet fearless about everything else. If I can do this I can do anything I say to myself. The lessons one learn from a child is invaluable. They teach you how to love unconditionally, how to laugh at your own mistakes, how to smile from the heart, how to forgive and forget, how to chase a pigeon, how to walk like an elephant, how to dig out worms, how to catch a ladybird and so on and so forth. They teach you how to love life and how to live every moment to the fullest! They teach you patience, hard work, and resilience.

My daughters are 9 and 6 respectively. There are days when things are far from perfect and I'll be pulling my hair out and screaming my head off. Then I realise life is not about perfect moments but moments that make your life perfect. With each passing day I can only be thankful for the immense joy they bring and the blessing that they are!